me: and you cum glitter now too.
why are you covered in glitter?
boss: strip club?
me: it’s too much even for that
boss: oh. I cum glitter now.
cuntachabra
genital oiling
(on the morning to do list text…without warning or context)
on sympathy
I need a bj now to make you feel better.
on friendship
boss: I told him we wanted to bang his wife but he seemed like he wasn’t really into it.
you gave it to me pretty good.
boss: I feel like I did. I feel like I knocked your cervix out through your nostrils.
on boozing like a child
who doesn’t think of their mom when they have Jell-O shots?
on Sunday departures
peace out you cum dumpster
on finding what you thought was a new show on Netflix
On Netflix. You finally finally find a fucking show to watch. Out of the landfill of shit shows you find something that looks good
……and you start it and the Netflix says, “start from beginning?” or would you like to “resume at the 15 minute mark where the last time you tried to watch this piece of shit and got bored and yelled obesinjties at the tv show and slandered the producers as you menu menu menued the fuck out of there?”
And I’m like …. goddamnit. Mother fucker.
Back to the fucking drawing board.
Shit the Boss Says 