Author: shitbosssays

I did push ups. and walked to dinner. 

it’s working out’s hotter cousin.

I think it’s funny. and ducks are cute.

I wouldn’t even fuck her with your nonexistent dick. 

I can say goddamn between now and Sunday.

me: that fat girl’s shirt says “feed me tacos and tell me I’m pretty”

boss: those two things are exclusive. you can’t do both. in fact that’s the only type of exclusive relationship I like.

do you think she needs to be cuddled….from the inside?

I think that’s how rape happens.

look. I called you an elevator. 

I got that bitch an elevator. bitches love elevators.

I had a realization that my definition of a good time is not dying.

the little paper clip baby decoy?

it’s a scarecrow you shove in your vag.

a paper clip scarecrow made by kindergarteners that some bitch decided to shove past her cervix.

that’s how that discovery got made.