Author: shitbosssays

I don’t know what it is but I really like this picture. 

I think it’s the tile. 

I like you too much to marry you. 

I would have banged her if you were there, I wouldn’t have cheated on you with her. 

boss: we’re getting kicked out. 

me: no we aren’t. don’t sit by us if you hate happiness

ciao ciao.

like bye bye
not the dog with the purple tongue that eats kids, and Japs eat in their tacos

tacos like with tortillas, not like Taco, the guy on the league

The League the TV show not an actual sports league of any sorts

I’m working on the clarity of my communications

Goddamn gooks

Boss: I am sitting aisle and there was a couple split both on window and the wife was next to me…

…I put my head phones in immediately and surfed instagram porn.

The other aisle guy by the husband caved first, he’s next to me at the window now. 
Me: you’re too big for window seats. 
Boss: yup. I’m so big I don’t take Spielberg’s calls

Congrats, you didn’t give me the clap 

I was worried, because with the criminal case I’d be like fuck the police.

when I flash fried my nuts, I was peeling dead skin off in a few days. 

dick skin took a bit longer, though 

me: …………………

I feel like if I stuck it in her butt she could squeeze and break my dick off. it’s a good thing I’ve got dick almighty.