Author: shitbosssays

from the notes:

Say I’m humbled or something

boss: you did a fucktastical job. you made my mom’s old ass panties wet. you whore.

*goes to gun store*

boss: was it something I did?

me: no it wasn’t. I wouldn’t have started a relationship talk at 10pm

boss: I’ve told some guys about that rule and they are like omg you’re so fucking right. then they totally started implementing it. like bitch is going to town on them and they are watching the clock. and have a timer go off at 10:00 and just get up and peace out. fucking hilarious.

my hair is getting so long it’s hard to put it up. I’m like a well hung tranny

I just turned down an airport hj.

don’t know their names.

just because one had downs doesn’t mean I should retreat

the zebra looked at me funny. that fucking zebra.

I got bit by a donkey once.

a zebra is just a racially confused donkey.

[dear constituents, ]

words words words

we are awesome. our dick is bigger than your dick.

our dick doesn’t even take Spielberg’s calls.

– CEO

boss: *sends link to milking table*

boss: can we get one? for milk me Monday?

me: where do we keep it? how do we decide who gets on it? how do we decide who gets under it?

boss: I’m the only one that gets on it.

me: and under it?

boss: California Standard Scale

boss: I looked, it’s awesome. I just didn’t want to distract you with any compliments

me: ….

boss: you look quite whorey…there. that should fill up your emotional bucket for the day.