on high fives and encouragement

me (to Marketing Director, boss and CC’ing QA specialist):Gentlemen, After extensive analysis and discussion, Ms. Johnson and I have come to the conclusion that “turning to the person to your right, high fiving them and saying ‘you’re awesome!’” is a ritual invented and perpetuated by the white man. As female, ethnic millennials, we can no longer support or participate in this misogynistic practice and encourage you to instead call upon others to engage in what we have formally deemed the “party tit tap”. The “tit tap” is an inclusive, multi-cultural act of encouragement and comraderie. We all have tits. We all want taps. Please, however, be considerate of those with nipple piercings, who may require extra-light taps. Perhaps side-taps are an appropriate alternative. I will leave the guidance of this to your discretion, with a fair warning that a too-hard tap may be met with a fully justified dick chop. Thank you for your consideration of this serious manner. We appreciate you both. Sincerest regardsMD: #highfivesmatterBoss: #eiffeltowerhighfiveMD: I need a t-shirtBoss: What about cock high fives?MD: I thought that was the Eiffel Tower… Boss: No, it’s when your cock looks up at you and says, “fuck yeah, good job, you’re awesome!” and gives you a high five.MD: I really need to get out moreMe: Can my vagina high five me? Is this an inclusionary alternative?Boss: It could but it probably won’t because it’s racist. MD: It’s hard to high five when it’s slanted and purple. Boss: They are also not usually very chipper or upbeat. They cycle between angry and sad. That’s why you have to smack them straight sometimes.MD: One of the very few exceptions I’m actually happy when there’s tears.Boss: I’m so glad you picked up what I was throwing down.Me, QAS: …………..